Stop Reading This Line!

I'm Back!

2008-07-12T00:11:00.000-07:00

Been awhile since I've written a post, I know. I've been a little distracted. School so far is going ok. I'm just trying to get by this summer class I'm taking. Biology is seriously no fun unless you're really into that kind of stuff. With my job and my boyfriend, now its even more hard to find time to study.
I'm not currently playing out right now except for my country band that plays on tuesdays. They're playing the community center on every other saturday now too. I'm going to hate that...lol.
I'm getting ready to get moving in a group with a good friend of mine. Its going to be great playing music together.
I really honestly, hadn't planned on blogging anymore, but my friend told me he misses my blogs (why I don't know...lol) so I decided I'd blog anyway.
Speaking of work, I was kept til 1am when I was supposed to be off at 11pm. I have to go back in at 8, which means I will be tired... I have to play at the community center tonight.
There isn't a nicer way to tell your supervisor to kiss your ass is there? lol
Oh well... at least I get paid overtime.
... I would write more, but I have to be back at work in less than six hours and I have to get some sleep in. Catch ya later!

Music?

2007-10-12T18:02:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 7:30am this morning and it is now 8:03pm as I'm writing this. Mom and I went to both SIUC and John A. Logan College to see about registering me for school. I ended up registering for two years at John A with plans to transfer to SIU after completing my Associate's Degree. My major? Music. Whether I'll go for music business or music education, I don't know just yet. I'll let you know in a couple years... lol.
I got my books today and e-mailed my teachers... classes start monday. I'm really excited and honestly, I'm thankful to have this opportunity to fix things. I was somewhat shocked to find out that today was THE LAST DAY to register for block classes, which I did. If I had waited one more day, I would have had to wait until next fall to register for school, and by that time, I would have lost all hope.
On the way home I noticed the sign outside of a church. It said "Do your best, God will do the rest." Somehow I took it as a sign that things are going to improve. Somehow, I know I'm taking the right steps toward where I need to go.
I am determined to get that degree... I can't afford not to... I will not fail...

For now, I have nothing to do but wait until Monday when classes start. I'm here watching my Mother's friend's mother. Can't wait to go home... haven't been there very long today...and Sparky is being a pain in the butt as usual. Guess I'll watch tv until I can go home... later!

Johnson's Southern Illinois Opry, September 29th, 2007 : What has the boss gotten us into?

2007-09-13T09:42:00.000-07:00

On the 29th of this month, Marion Illinois is having a talent contest at the Williamson County Pavillion. This idea was concieved by a man named Rick Johnson, who convinced the leader of our band (the Jackie Martin Band), that it would be a good idea to get involved in this.
Without telling us anything about this contest beforehand or even discussing it with us, Jack decided to go ahead and sign us up for the gig. We would be the house band for that night and would play behind all the talent show contestants. When I first heard talk of this show, I was excited. I thought that maybe this would be a good thing, thinking that our fearless leader would have his head on straight and that this contest would be put together correctly....

Now that I am seeing how the competition is being thrown together, I am beginning to have my doubts about this whole thing. I have participated in several talent competitions, and now that I have the chance to help put one on in my hometown, I have never seen or heard of a successful talent comptetition set up this way.

In every other talent show that I have ever been involved with, there are two different ways for songs to be showcased.

1. Contestants could either bring music tracks or karaoke tracks to back them up, bring their own instruments to play the song themselves, or sing acapella.

2. Contestants had to either choose from the list of songs that the house band all ready knew, or teach the band one that they wrote themselves. It was possible to teach the band a new song that was not written by the contestant, but they'd prefer you to pick the list of songs they knew and depending on the song it could be rejected.

For this particular Opry, we are supposed to learn all of the songs that the contestants pick for us. The problems with this could be devastating to the band and could alter the turnout of the competition.

To begin with, many of these contestants have never sang with a live band, only karaoke. This is a problem because all these singers know is what they hear on the CD and that is what they follow.

The band playing there is a local, four-piece band that is used to playing nothing but classic country. A lot of the songs that were picked for the competition are newer country by artists such as the Dixie Chicks, Jessica Andrews, Garth Brooks and Rascal Flatts, just to name a few.

I hate to say it, but as a four piece band, we do not possess the sound to complete some of these songs. We don't have enough members in the group. There are songs that I am confident that we can do, but others such as Lynn Anderson's "Rose Garden" which practically need a full orchestra to back up the singer, or Toby Kieth's "Whiskey Girl" which is a very complex song, especially to learn in such a small amount of time, I worry we may not get quite right. We were only notified of the songs on the 8th of this month. We have over 17 songs to learn, most of them new country, by the show on the 29th. There just isn't enough time for us to learn these songs correctly, if we are capable of learning them at all.

I honestly am worried mainly that our lead player is not going to be able to get his part down on a lot of these songs. He has never ventured into newer country and his technique has not stayed current. For as long as I've known him, he plays what he knows and is too stubborn to learn anything outside of his box. Any good player, even Jack, knows that this can break a musician, and a band. I also worry that he isn't taking this contest seriously. Talent contests are an ugly thing to get into... especially if the band isn't up to par that night. It doesn't matter who wins, people are going to be upset and angry because thier kid didn't win. If we mess up a contestant's song and it alters their score, we are going to have to take a LOT of anger from people, as well as the blame.

Another thing I don't understand is how the advertisement in The Review that we are a "prominent Nashville band" was allowed to run. This is turning into a bigger and bigger mess every time I hear anything on it.

We are not the only ones there to put on a show either, there is supposed to be a doo-wop group there... chances are they'll do better than we will.

A radio personality is going to be involved in this too. She's supposed to be the contest MC. I wonder what she's going to think when the band fails her.

I can only guarantee one thing in all of this. If this show flops, then I will be leaving the Jackie Martin Band.

Cats on myspace

2007-08-23T13:55:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine and I created myspaces for our cats... don't look at me like that, he started it... lol. Today is Prince's 2nd day on myspace and wouldn't you believe it, he all ready has friend requests! They're mostly from people that have something to do with the porn industry, but he's had some normal people requests too. Of course, every single one of them are female...

even his friend Neko...

Now Prince isn't all that computer savvy and I don't even think he cares much about having a myspace, but he's spoiled enough to have one anyway.

... he's sleeping right now... guess I'm gonna go...

Almost New Guitar!! Working on New Diet Plan!!

2007-08-21T11:20:00.000-07:00

This is a shout out to my buddy Jim. Thanks for helping me with my guitar man!

Last night he reset the action on the strings and set the neck for me... its not the same guitar I had yesterday. It plays so much better... I don't have to fight it anymore!! yay!
I also learned a lot about my guitar while he was working on it. Always good to know as much as you can about your instrument. I can't wait to take it out on the job tonight and see how it does. I'm really excited about it.

I know I haven't written in awhile, but I'm here now... so there... :P

I'm finally working out on a regular schedule again... and this time I'm not going it alone, so its a big help... and I really mean that. Its a lot more fun to exercise when there's somebody there with you. The part I'm having trouble with of course, is food intake. I have some idea of what is good and bad for weight loss, but I'm not perfect. Sometimes I mess up... and lately its like I just quit eating a lot of the good foods for my plan... I think its because I don't have a plan for eating... just for exercising... so I'm losing half the battle! That's going to bug me... I hate losing... unless of course I lose fat... lol. I'll figure out a new battle plan and post it a little bit later.

Right now I want to play my telecaster... later!

Finally Home

2007-08-12T20:22:00.000-07:00

It was a long trip, but we finally made it back to Marion around 9pm. This past week has not only been a week to spend time with my half-sis and her family but also was a time to heal emotionally and see where I have to go to make things right in my life... I finally have a plan...
My parents must have been reading my mind or something because things here are changing too... hopefully permanently and for the better.

Well, I'm going to have to cut this one short... I'm pretty tired and we've got a bunch of stuff around the house to do tomorrow.

Crown Point Trip: day 1

2007-08-06T10:11:00.000-07:00

My brother and I came to Crown Point, Indiana yesterday to visit our sister and her family. It was the first time that we have had to drive the long 6 hours to get here by ourselves, so of course we were tired. I have been feeling sick since last night and absolutely can't figure out why. I suspected a fever or something like that because I felt cold to the point I was shaking and also felt light headed. Everybody else swore that the temperature in the house was normal. I feel a lot better this morning but still not at 100% just yet.
Right now everybody (meaning all of us kids) are sleeping except for myself and my sister and brother-in-law are at work. Theres no sign of any of the animals, guess they're all outside.
Well, guess I'm jumping off of here for now. I've got to find something to do while they're all sleeping...

Fake?

2007-08-01T19:40:00.000-07:00

I was recently accused of being this by someone I consider to be a good friend. I usually don't let comments like this bother me, and I don't even know why I let it bother me this time as he seems to be the only person that I know so far that thinks of me this way. I am myself as much as I can possibly stand it and its hard for me to hide anything from people (although I admit that on rare occasions I try). Hearing this makes me unsure of myself as a person being told that I'm "overly happy all the time". I bet he wouldn't think that if he knew me as well as he thinks he does.

So what exactly makes a person seem fake? Can a person put on an act and try to hide themselves without even realizing it?

I have no sources on this except for my own thoughts and feelings as I haven't found anything besides tips for thespians so far. Thoughts and opinions from others are appreciated.

To me, being "fake" does not mean always being in a good mood. It could be that things are going well every single day of that persons life, who knows? A person could pretend to act a certain way to get whatever it is they want. Although, maybe thier chipper tone of voice and that smile plastered to their face really is genuine (or maybe they're just stuck that way, I don't know)? Do we just hate people that never seem to have a bad day? If so, then I don't know what to think, because I certainly haven't met anybody who never has a bad day.

On the other hand, what if they constantly try to hide the bad things going on? Does that make them fake? Are they being fake when things go bad at home and are threatened into hiding it from the rest of the world? Are they fake if they're embarrassed to admit they're not perfect? What if they're insecure or upset? Is it a bad thing to try and hide those feelings (in my mind, obvious answers say yes)? What if people put a mask on for a really big reason?

I'm surprised that I have so many questions. I normally don't have any...

2nd Post

2007-07-30T10:59:00.000-07:00

Reading the articles that I mentioned in the last post I published really got me to thinking about the way I eat. I feel that is where most of my weight problems come from because I have more trouble with what I eat and what I do whenever I'm not exercising than actually being in the habit of getting a good work out. I've all ready established that recognizing and controlling cravings is a big problem. I find that I don't eat out of depression, stress or even lonliness, all of which (like most people) I occasionally feel. Instead, I find myself eating not neccessarily out of boredom, but just not knowing what to do with myself. If I see that everything is done that needs to be, I chow down on some kind of comfort food and sit here on the computer, or lately, sit at my friend's house watching her mother.
I do find it harder to stay on an eating plan when there is all sorts of things I shouldn't have still in the house that I can get my hands on, but having those in the house is not a bad thing, its eating them all the time that makes it a bad thing.
I've decided to keep an eating journal to help me determine what changes I need to make, although I all ready think I know mostly what needs to be done. It won't hurt to have that there to help me see if there are less obvious changes I need to be making.
I'm also going to find something to do when I'm at my friend's house... sitting all day is not much help. I've started gaining weight back because of staying over there doing absolutely nothing for most of the day. I don't think the pay is worth that.
So now that I know a little bit more about what needs to be done, I should have fewer problems fixing this. ... old habits are hard to break though...

Oh come on.... Veggies?

2007-07-30T10:11:00.001-07:00

We all know they're good for you and that we're supposed to eat a pretty good amount of them, but according to an article I found at www.msnbc.com/id/18079934/ people are eating a lot less vegetables than they were 20 years ago. This is a problem that most Americans face, as I believe the article says only 11% of the population gets enough vegetables in their diet.
When I first read this article, my first thought was that no one eats vegetables because they don't like the taste, and because they would rather reach for those comfort foods we are all guilty of having. I ended up looking at another article from msnbc that somewhat surprised me by what I learned there (www.msnbc.com/id/18057874/). The author tells us how its better to eat solid vegetables instead of drinking vegetable juice basically because the juice does not contain as much nutrients as the real thing. The juice is good for you, but don't rely on it to give you your full servings of vegetables.
So how do you get a population of people to start liking vegetables again? The writers of these articles suggest starting very young with kids. Part of this is making sure that you eat whatever vegetable you feed them. If they see others eating it, they'll be more willing to try it. As for adults and older children, suggestions were made to sneak vegetables into certain foods you all ready eat.

In my opinion, its a lot easier said than done. If a person lives alone, fixing their diet might be a lot easier than if they were living with someone else. If a person lives with other people, then everyone in that household would have to agree to start eating more vegetables in order to have a better success rate at reaching better health. I see this from my own personal experience. I can't say how many times I've failed because the temptations of ... you know, its not that there were comfort foods and junk foods still in the house because my family still chose to eat them all the time... its that I couldn't control my cravings for whatever I saw and thought I'd rather have...and I couldn't have just a little of something, I had to have a pretty good amount in order to be satisfied. Sometimes I'd still want that kind of food even after I was full.

While I'm thinking about it, one of those articles said that fiber helps that full feeling...

All right... now I'm starting to see where my own problems are. I'll write more on it in a separate post.

woo-hoo!

2007-07-29T14:28:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this blog from my room. My brother got the internet working in here... so I don't have to get on anybody else's computer. Yay! :D

Since the last time I posted, there really hasn't been much going on here. I'm having a friend of mine over to jam tonight... if we can get a good sound going, we may end up playing music together a lot more often.

I was going to go hang out with that Kentucky Guy tomorrow, but I was told that the band wanted to practice... and everybody else said they would be there, so I have to go too... :P

Sitting for my friend is like having a full-time job that doesn't pay well... lol. Yesterday I was there for 13 hours! Watching soap operas all day doesn't help me much...

Well, I'm out for now... talk to ya later!

Congrats Matt & Brittany!!

2007-07-27T22:39:00.000-07:00

They just had a baby... and IT'S A BOY!!! I'm so happy for them! :D

Daaaaaaaaay-O ! Daaaaaaaay-O!

2007-07-25T17:03:00.000-07:00

I'm bored and in a singing mood... lol. That means I'll sing for hours on end. Its a good thing that nobody is home right now. I'd probably drive them nuts because sometimes I only sing parts of songs and not the whole thing. This could be because I'm having trouble singing a part of a song, or maybe that is the only part of the song I know! lol
I just ate peanut butter, so I have to stop for awhile... singing and eating anything that coats the throat like that isn't good for the voice.
If there is one thing I can say I am extremely picky about, its my voice. If something could damage it, I don't do it. Unless I'm practicing... then I sing until I can't even talk... lol.
Mentioning that, I'm currently talking to a few friends on messenger... think I'll stop writing for right now.

50 profile views!!

2007-07-25T15:43:00.000-07:00

Thank you! Both of you! :D

Mostly more Boyton St.

2007-07-24T22:28:00.000-07:00

I'm going with my younger brother to Indiana to visit our half sister and her family in a couple weeks... I can't wait! :D
We're only staying a week because my brother is going back to school the week after that.
We haven't seen them in a long time... it'll be great to spend time with them.

Let's just hope I don't get us lost! LOL...

Other than that, there's nothing going on really... like every Tuesday we played up at Boyton street. It was our biggest crowd ever... we had 77 people show... and almost ran out of seats to put them in... not to mention there was really no room in the place left because of how small it is!

Thankfully, whatever "guest singers/musicians" we had there didn't do too bad. A couple were actually pretty good... rare for us to run into anybody that can keep time AND stay on key...lol.

Anyway, it was a fun night.

Afterward, some of us went up to the truck stop in town and ate. I shouldn't have eaten anything... but you know eating is my third hobby (preceded by sleeping and playing music. Not necessarily in that order)... lol.

I wish Bob could have been there... he's been stuck with emphysema which is a real problem, especially when a man only has one lung. None of us know if he'll make it as he's in pretty bad shape... my thoughts and prayers are with him.
Just in case he gets to feeling better, we're leaving his spot in the band open. We all know how much Bob loves to play :)

Tomorrow I don't know what is going on. Chores and practice I guess... like every day...

I'm tired...

2007-07-23T22:02:00.000-07:00

Amazingly my brother and his friends are being quiet. This means that maybe, just maybe they'll let the rest of us sleep... ha ha.

Mom's back is doing better she says. She went back to work two days ago and is still going to physical therapy.

Dad's on the road again. Took awhile to get him to work... forgot half of his stuff that he needs to take with him... lol.

I met my cousin at the truck stop in town earlier when he was passing through on his way to Florida. He seems to be doing well. Getting to spend time with him today put me in a good mood.

My Mom's friend called wanting to know when I could watch her mother again. I told her about the bookings I have for this thursday and friday night. I'm still going to watch her during the day on friday though, and pretty much all day on saturday... joy. The good news in all of this is that according to my cousin (who is very well read and incredibly smart), there are people who watch the elderly for a living... like a babysitter or live-in companion... the same way that I watch my friend's mother. I need to do research on that. Maybe this is where I need to go for now? I guess we'll have to see...

Right now I'm just sitting here on the computer... talking to a couple of my friends... who's minds are both in the gutter tonight... lol.

You've gotta love 'em anyway. :)

Well, I guess I need to get to sleep some time tonight... what is it now, Tuesday? Yeah, I play tonight too... going to be busy for a change... take care all! I'm out!

*********

2007-07-20T21:52:00.000-07:00

Not much going on right now. I'm playing at the Eagles this weekend and can only hope all goes well. I'm sure it will be business as usual, but you never really know who is going to be there.

Lately (over the past couple weeks or so) I've been put in charge of watching a friend's mother while she goes on errands. I don't mind it, but sitting on the couch for 9 hours (I'm not kidding, she really leaves me with her for that long some days!) , isn't exactly fun.... especially when whatever program that does in-home care for the elderly sends some noob over who has no idea what the hell they're doing! My friend was not happy when I told her what that woman did... lol.

I've been going through a few internal struggles too. I finally figured out a few of the causes of my problems and reasons for those causes to exist. I can finally start to turn things around and get on track after nearly two months to the date of being depressed and terribly confused. At least now I know where I stand, what my goals are, how far they are, what I need to get there, and what I need to let go and get rid of in order to attain these goals.

Well, I think I'll call it quits here for now. I don't have much else to talk about.

Boyton St.

2007-07-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

If there's one thing I don't like about rainy weather, its the gloomy, depressing feelings I get along with it. I don't know why, but most of the time I feel depressed when it rains. To me its strange, because its not like I go outdoors much anyway.

My wrist has been bothering me for a couple days now. I hurt it a few months ago back when I was trying to work fast food, and once in a while it still bothers me. I keep hoping that maybe I'll work it out and it'll go away, but so far it hasn't. I'm starting to wonder about it.

Mom has to attend physical therapy sessions a few times a week. I'm taking her because she has trouble walking anymore and tells me she doesn't trust herself to drive right now. I hope this therapy helps...

I'm still on the job hunt, and I plan on breaking the bad news to the boss men of the bands I'm in. I will tell at least one of them anyway since he'll of course be there tonight. I'm going to tell them to be thinking about and looking for a person to replace me if I can't be there. I know that I will have to give up Tuesdays for sure. Weekends are still kinda iffy. It depends on the job I get. I still need to tell them anyway. I can't quit the way I've seen other musicians leave. I will give both bands plenty of time to find a replacement for me before I stop coming. I've accepted that this is what I need to do for the time being until I can find something better that will allow me to play music on the weekends. I can't think of too many places for a person like me to work where I could have my weekends to play music. Fast food places are not an option for me, I can't keep up with it. I've been there, tried my best, and ended up jobless again within a week of getting hired. I'll say there was definitely a lack of training on their part, but I still should have caught on to some things faster than I did.

I'll find something I'm sure... anything will be great. I just have to tell the bands that I might be leaving and start focusing on what needs to be done.

RE: Stream of Consciousness

2007-07-16T09:03:00.000-07:00

This is a response to a blog entry a friend of mine made on his myspace account. I have not asked permission to post a link to his blog, so out of respect I will refrain from it.
The blog topic? Concerns with teenage dating.
__________________________________________________________________

My friend, I have to agree with you that teenage dating these days is growing more and more out of control. Teens are definitely getting themselves into deeper relations that they're not yet mature enough in which to handle the consequences.

The first approach you mentioned is one I also find interesting. This approach is that some believe dating should not be allowed before the age of eighteen. I guess I can see how a person can be benefitted by waiting so long, as I was eighteen when I started dating. You are definitely safe from harm until you're grown the way parents want their kids to be. Although I'm not so sure if a person can benefit from waiting so long. I was officially allowed to date at the age of sixteen, but at the time I just didn't find anybody I liked that well... lol. I ended up waiting until I was eighteen before that happened. Still, even though I didn't make the mistakes or have the kind of experiences that my other friends did, I still made mistakes when I matured that may or may not have been just as bad or worse than ones they've made. So do we allow our teens to make those mistakes now or later? They still have to learn the same things either way.

I agree that not allowing kids and teens to interact with members of the opposite sex is a mistake. Socializing is a big part of growing up and is needed to learn to handle society as a whole. In my opinion though, dating has no place before the age of fifteen at the earliest, when a teen enters high school. Anything more than friendships before then is too early.

As far as teens blaming their parents for being too strict or protective... it sounds like they have parents like mine. Their parents care about what their kids are doing and are trying their best to keep them out of trouble. Now I realize there is a limit to all of this and I'm sure there are a few parents that cross the line, but parents asking "who, what, when, where and why" before thier teen goes somewhere is not being overbearing... its just keeping tabs on their kids.

When you talk about society being in a hurry for kids to grow up, I have to say I'm not so sure that we are. I think all people are trying to do is get those kids to be thinking about thier future. High School students that wait forever before deciding about college go under a lot of pressure, only having two years (assuming they start to think about it their junior year) to figure out what to do with the rest of thier lives. Author John C. Maxwell states in his book Talent is Never Enough that "The only thing that relieves pressure is preparation."
The more prepared you are for what you want to accomplish, the better you'll do. Talent alone, like the book title says, is just not enough.

You talk about the group date losing favor... I don't see too many going on group dates nowadays either. I personally have never been on one. As a result, you are correct in saying that its easier to allow oneself to be involved in risky behavior.

I agree with most of what you wrote overall, and thought your entry was very well written. We do need to put protections back up to save our teens, as you said, they are our future. Thank you for sharing your views with me. I enjoyed reading your entry and look forward to the next one as always. :D

Menards

2007-07-16T08:16:00.000-07:00

She's been eating those pain pills the doctor gave her as if they were her favorite candy. Mom hasn't been feeling well at all with her back the way it is; she's in an aweful lot of pain and nothing, not heat, not massages, not even prescribed medicine has helped so far... she's got us all worried.

Dad is taking her back to the doctor to see what can be done. In fact, they just left a few minutes ago after Mom called in sick at work. This is amazingly, only the second time she's ever missed a days work since she started having major back pain. She's a cashier at a hardware store and she is no doubt one of the hardest working people in that building. Her back has always given her trouble as the result of a motorcycle crash when she was younger. However, in spite of this, she still does plenty of heavy lifting, walking the floor of that huge store to complete returns and to help customers, being on her feet for 8 hours (sometimes more than that) working as a "part time" employee.

I really hope that something can be done to help her... my Mom is a strong person. Seeing her in any sort of pain bothers me a lot. Honestly, I don't think its just the result of that crash she had thats causing her problem, I believe her job has a lot to do with it. Mom does a lot more than she's expected to. If she's not on a register, she's helping customers on the floor, stocking shelves or doing returns. Since my Mom is stubborn, no matter the weight, if she can lift it she puts it on the shelf without help...and she's starting to really hurt from lifting so much. She's been hurting for the past week and as I've said, today is only the second day she's taken off. The rest of the week she's worked as much she would any other day.

...

I just want her to feel better.

Sigh...

2007-07-13T09:52:00.000-07:00

I've been sitting on this computer for about an hour this morning... no, make that two hours now just on updating my myspace profile (www.myspace.com/gtrplyr47). I think I'm just going to leave it the way it is. I'm noticing more and more now that at least once a day I get wrapped up in things that do nothing but waste time... and as a result, I waste a LOT of it. Its been a problem for a year now. Today I still have a few things I need to do including my workout, chores, and filling out applications which I'm going to get started on as soon as I finish this entry.
I couldn't sleep last night at all hardly, it wasn't until around 4am that I finally became unconcious... ha ha! I've had plenty of sleep problems lately... stay up really late and sleep in that way too. Although today I didn't do as bad. I woke up at eight thirty and stayed that way. Maybe I'll get some sleep tonight.
I guess I'll call it quits here for now, if I'm on the computer again tonight I'll try to write again.

This Hurts...

2007-07-12T14:44:00.000-07:00

Readers, I'm going to warn you that I'm not going to be myself for awhile, as I know that a choice I have to make is causing me to break down.

Its down to the nitty gritty for me to find a job that I think I can keep. People I know think that I haven't been looking, but the truth of the matter is that I've tried for over a year to find one that can work around the band schedule that I know I can handle. I've had absolutely no success whatsoever. People won't hire me on account of how often our band plays and my lack of job experience on top of it. The last job I had was so fast paced, that no one took time to train me even after knowing that I'd never worked like that before... I couldn't keep up with it. It seems that I'll have to give up playing music for awhile, and it breaks my heart to think that because that means giving up a huge part (if not the biggest part) of who I am... and who I've been for the past five years.

Now that I've accepted this, I guess the next step is to notify both groups that I am still looking for work and that they need to find someone to replace me when I finally find something because I won't be able to play anymore.

Hopefully after a couple years I'll be able to go back to it. I'm going to miss it like you wouldn't believe. Leaving the band is going to be like leaving family behind, I love the people in the band as well as their families. I love the music we play, and I love the audience I play for. I can't thank God enough for the opportunity to know these people and to learn from them.

... I'm sorry I have to let them down...

... but like they say, all good things must come to an end, and its time for this girl to pack up and leave home.

Lazy Day

2007-07-10T12:03:00.001-07:00

Today has been a pretty lazy day for me over all. The most I've done is run in to town to pick up a few things. I might go shopping again because I found a few more things I need.

I took some time to change my page a little bit. I think I like it. That picture is yet another one from my senior year photo shoot. I was just playing around with the pictures I had on Microsoft Digital Image Pro and found all kinds of neat stuff to do, but I chose to just stick with black and white. I don't get my picture taken that often (as I'm usually holding the camera), which is the main reason I keep using the ones from high school... they're the best and only ones I've got!

I just realized I'm hungry... I haven't eaten that much today... none of it was good for me either.
The whole fitness thing is not going well at all... I've been stuck for awhile and haven't lost anymore weight. I'm not gaining any of it back, but I haven't made progress in so long that I know I'm definitely doing something wrong. I need to figure out what it is and fix it. I might hire a trainer to help with that. I'll get it straightened out. I have to.

Today is tuesday, meaning I'll be playing at Boyton St. Its about 2:30 or so now, meaning I have only a few hours before I have to go. I bet I can get a work out in, but I don't think I'll have time to head to the gym. I still have to finish my laundry or I'll have nothing to wear tonight!

Guess that means I'd better get moving. I've been on this computer for a couple hours now, I can take a break from it... at least until I get home tonight...

Happy Independence Day!!!

2007-07-04T15:20:00.000-07:00

Today I went up to a friend's dance barn up around the Benton area to listen to the band and just have fun. There were a bunch of musicians there, but not nearly as many as the owner had expected (we were all supposed to take turns jamming). The party goes on until 10pm tonight; I hope more people show! Another friend of mine is in the band up there and from what I saw, he's the only lead guitar playing so far. Maybe somebody will come and bring their guitar so he can take a break. He's going to be worn out after today I think... anyway, I had fun up there.

As far as tonight goes, I don't know what we're doing. My brother isn't home, Dad's asleep, Mom is tired because she just got home from work, so I don't know if anyone will want to go watch fireworks or not. Of course, we had some rain earlier today, so they might be cancelled... I'm not sure.

Mom and I are cooking on the grill right now... nothing like it. I'm not hungry right now since I ate at that party, but I have a feeling I will be late tonight...

Well, I hope everybody has a great July 4th! I'm out for now!

eh...

2007-07-02T20:39:00.000-07:00

I know its been a little while since the last update, so here goes...

Lately I've found myself skipping the gym in order to go job hunting... no luck so far. Maybe things will pick up soon...

Right now I'm trying to talk to my friends on messenger and write at the same time... kinda hard when one of them keeps talking to you, but I don't mind at all :)

My friend is waiting on me to finish this blog entry so he can read it... keeps saying I'm slacking... he's right... ha ha... I wonder when we're going to hang out next though? Haven't seen him in a little while...

Let's see... I play boyton st. tomorrow night, July fourth celebration Wednesday, more babysitting thursday afternoon... no idea when I get out of there... other than that, I don't have any other plans until saturday night... I have to play in Mt. Vernon.

Well, guess I'm going to wrap it up here...

Please Excuse My Rant...

2007-06-27T19:28:00.000-07:00

I didn't sleep well at all last night or eat well today... so I've been pretty evil during the past twelve hours or so anyway. However, I didn't start this crap... lol.

I just finished listening to my Dad yet again tell me how so-and-so has a better sounding group than the main group I play with. Also yet again, he told me I need to get on everybody's case about practice sessions and learning new songs. I would be all for talking to them, but I know better. I feel its worthless to try. None of them are interested in practicing to play songs right. They don't have to sound like the record, they just have to be RIGHT for heaven's sake!!! We can't even do that! Why? No one is willing to practice or learn new material... because of that, I'm not motivated either... and that bothers me.

Soon the conversation turned into other things... I wanted to cry from hearing that...

... but I didn't...

I just walked out of the room... I'm done talking to him about it and the other things. I have to do something... I don't know what... all I know is that there is no way those guys will budge... even if I go so far as to make somebody mad, I don't think they'll listen.

Now I love my Dad and I know he means well by what he said... but after hearing the same thing 100 times, it kinda makes me mad... lol.

So I'm going to pray hard and try to climb out of this mess... I can't be this way anymore.

NEMESIIISSS!!! I WILL HAVE YOU!!!

2007-06-25T15:34:00.000-07:00

Trying to post a video that my friend sent me but google is being mean to me today saying either invalid login confirmation (and I am 100% certain my info is correct) or it says "undefined"... whatever that means... lol.

So I'll just put the link up here. Gotta warn ya, its crazy... I laughed really hard at it. The guy in this video is out of his mind... ...and talking to himself... xD

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=489004234752212560&hl=en

I guess its not going to be funny to everyone, but some of you might get a kick out of it...

Dissent

2007-06-25T10:37:00.000-07:00

I was watching a program on Link TV earlier... I wish I could remember the name of it because I thought it was a good one. Its topic was about dissent and losing our first amendment rights, showing several examples of people being arrested and/or recieving poor treatment for peaceful protests. It makes me so angry to think that our country is losing what our forefathers fought so hard for. As the program stated, dissent was a key factor in forming this country and is still a key factor for running it. The Government is supposed to run the country, but its up to citizens to help keep it in line and defend our rights as citizens of the United States. One way we are supposed to do this is by having our say in what goes on. However, if we as Americans, allow ourselves to be so intimidated that we lose our first amendment rights, in my opinion that would only be a gateway to allow the government to take away more and more of our freedoms until we have none.

Thank you for putting up with my rant... lol. Sometimes I can't help but feel upset when I see what is going on with this country and when I see things like this I start to feel less and less like I can do anything about it. Its wrong to feel that way though. We have to keep pushing buttons. We have to keep asking questions. We have to keep peaceful protesting in order to defend what we believe in. Even here at home we have to defend our freedom. Not from foreign countries, but from our own government! I thought freedom was what this country was all about? It seems like we could end up losing everything we stand for...that is, if we haven't begun to all ready. I don't know about you, but I love my country too much to let that happen.

Hot Rod Lincolns

2007-06-23T23:25:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows my Mom also knows that she is in love with her '94 Lincoln Town Car. In fact, she's so crazy about it that instead of giving up on it and buying a new one when it wore down, she asks my Dad to start working on it. Of course for Dad, this means several weeks of work due to his schedule, and Mom still needs a way to get to where she works too. So he bought from a friend an old '88 Lincoln for her to drive while he was fixing the other one. She thought it was pretty, but didn't like the way it felt, and that it didn't have any cup holders. Of course, Mom hates any car that isn't hers... lol.
I have to say though, driving the '88 is like driving a pontoon boat. Its huge... and heavy even in comparison with the '94. Dad really likes that car and decided immediately that he would keep it for himself after he fixes Mom's car. Since he's driven a big rig for years heavy vehicles are no problem for him.
Tonight the three of us were on our way home in the '88. Dad drove and I was in the front passenger seat. Mom also doesn't like the way Dad drives most of the time, so she sat in the back seat. She and Dad got to talking about the car and started comparing both Lincolns. Finally it grew into a heated discussion about who had the faster one. Most of the ride home consisted of Mom and Dad arguing "my car is better than yours because..." or "my car can take yours down anyday...". I guess you had to be there, but I was laughing so hard... they even considered racing the two cars! That would have been fun to see... until they either crashed or got caught in a speed trap of somekind.
I don't know much about cars, but I have a feeling that Mom would win... Dad's "old boat" is just too heavy... I think it would take a lot longer to gain speed. Maybe it would outrun Mom's in the long run though?
Now both are nice cars, but I'd never have a Lincoln... I'm pretty attached to my Crown Victoria (aka. "Granny"). She's held up sooo much better than either of thier cars. Hopefully it'll stay that way.
I don't think my parents would ever race thier cars, but I can't help but wonder how it would turn out if they did?

What's the Password?

2007-06-23T22:49:00.000-07:00

I haven't done much today. Cleaned house, went to see a band play (who are good friends of mine... they sounded awesome as usual :D ), and came home.
I have a feeling that I may not be on the computer nearly as much as I'm used to being on. There is now a password on here that only Mom knows... lol. No worries, I know why its there, and I know its only a matter of time before I gain access again. Until then, I don't expect to be posting updates every single day. Now that I'm over my withdrawl, I can say that I'm okay with not being on the computer all the time. I can actually get things done and feel like doing them. I must have been really, really addicted to this computer because when I would get on (and this was only a few weeks ago), I would stay on a good portion of the day and then feel lazy from not moving... I'd go to sleep instead of doing chores or even practicing my music. The computer was even taking me away from other things I loved, such as working out or hanging with my "real life" friends. On the upside though, I've met some awesome people on myspace... who have become "real life" friends... lol.
I weighed in today at 200.5... that means when I lose that other half pound I will have only lost 5 pounds this month instead of the 8 I lost last month. At least I'm still moving down! It's been harder to get my workouts in with Mom's car down though. I've let her take mine to work and back, which leaves me here with no way to go anywhere. Thankfully, Mom keeps the password a secret from me, and so far I can't crack it. Things are starting to get done around the house again...
Too bad I got on so late tonight though, nobody is online. Oh well, maybe I can catch them tomorrow? We'll see.
Oh! I almost forgot... Buddy got a haircut today... ha ha ha! He has a cute face when you can see it... he looks a lot less like a dustmop now since he has almost no hair left... he seems to like it all right, its a lot cooler for him in the hot weather and it doesn't look as bad as it sounds.
Well, tomorrow I've got plenty to do, and since I actually woke up before my usual time, I feel tired enough that I might get some good sleep for once. I'll be sure to write the next time I'm on...

Ghosts

2007-06-21T21:08:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine showed me this video that he found on youtube...

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5406487197364769612

I don't know why, but it creeps me out to watch anything involving ghosts while I'm alone in the dark. I'm fine with any other monster, but with ghosts I always find myself looking over my shoulder as if expecting to find one right behind me. I guess its because I feel that the existance of ghosts is more possible than that of mummies, zombies, or even vampires.

What's funny is that I don't feel scared when I'm watching a video like this or a scary movie of any kind with another person... unless its a really good horror film... I guess I just have to remind myself its just a movie. Man, I'm not going to be able to go to sleep for a little while... I only watched about half of that video too... go ahead and call me a wimp... it's okay :P

Booster and JoAnn's last night...

2007-06-17T21:15:00.000-07:00

It made me cry knowing that our bass player and his wife are moving to Alabama next month, which isn't too far away. I love them both even though I didn't know them for very long and I hate to see them go. They're great people and I pray that everything works out for them down there.

As for what's happening now with the rest of our band, I'm told that I will be put back on bass and we will just play four pieces for awhile. At least, that's the plan for now. The boss might change his mind, but I'm going to practice my bass anyway. I've been neglecting it while trying to get back in shape on my other instruments. It'll be fun to play bass again, but I'll never be as good of a bass player as Booster is... he's the best I've ever seen.

Before I went home, JoAnn told me that they're playing in Murphysboro saturday night with another group before they pack up and move. I'd really like to go if I can make it.

I speak for the entire band when I say that those two will be missed. I wish them well and hope to see them again someday.

Egg Salad Sandwich

2007-06-17T12:44:00.000-07:00

I'm rushing to get everything done here... I start playing in two hours, and I was put in charge of making sandwiches, and getting a birthday present for a friend we'll be seeing tonight. Mom just got home, and I know she's not pleased with what I managed to do in so little time. I enlisted my brother for help, and he did a good job. ... gotta go... we're starting over... we all feel really rushed right now... I hate this part... I'm always rushed right before I get to wherever it is I play... I'm always, ALWAYS frustrated... never fails. I haven't been able to figure out why.
I'll try to write again tonight when I get home if I can.

The Last 48 Hours... Backwards :P

2007-06-15T21:55:00.000-07:00

"I'll kill him" said my Dad as he walked out of the bathroom. Buddy got into the toilet paper again... lol. He didn't make a mess, he just stole a role of Charmin and left it by the computer chair where I'm now sitting. Dad wasn't serious with that threat I don't think... he just doesn't have any patience with pets living in the house. His loss I guess...

I got home not too long ago from the Whiteash dance barn... I promised a friend that I would sit in on guitar and fiddle with their band. Of course, I also sang. I had a lot of fun and the music sounded a lot better than I had expected it to. This band doesn't have a drummer yet, so it was different to play without one. I honestly had my doubts about what we would have sounded like when we practiced last Wednesday. I noticed that everything was dragging, too slow even for the older crowd they pull in. I didn't say anything about it because it was not the group I normally play in. It still sounded all right, although I wish they could have had a better crowd. Sesser, IL is pulling a lot of people away from dances with their homecoming activities this week, so its expected that a few people are not going to show.
It turns out that one of the guitar players in this group used to work at the same company as my Dad a long time ago. It was really nice to meet him... and to jam with the rest of the band.

Earlier today I hadn't done much, just practiced for the show I had at Whiteash and cleaned house a little bit (mainly because Mom said she might have her friends come to the house... it turned out that she went over there instead. I hope she had fun). After that I worked out at the gym. I only did cardio because I've had a sore leg muscle the last week and I don't want to push it any harder... I've all ready tried to work it out and its not working... think I'll take it easy until its no longer sore... felt a lot better today though. My friend Jeff called me wanting to work out sometime tomorrow. I told him I could meet him at 10am. Hopefully I won't be late like I was last time... with my horrible sleep patterns I just can't hack getting up there at 7am... lol. Either way, he's been my driving force through this whole month I've been back working out. He's taught me a lot all ready and I'm sure he hasn't shown me everything I need to know just yet. He was supposed to meet with his trainer today to update his workout. I hope when he competes next year that he does well. I have a feeling he will.

I had a couple paragraphs here that my friend was meant to read, but he only read the first one placed here where I'm replacing it with this one. We of course had plenty of discussion on that... but he didn't even mention what was in the other two shorter ones... I wonder why? Well, now I know whats really going on... I feel upset about it... so I'm done with it. He's not my friend... he doesn't want that. I'm not asking for a relationship, I just don't want to do THAT every time I show up. Of course, my being a doormat doesn't help matters either. I don't know why, but I haven't been able to say no. I prayed hard about this... I've been praying hard about this... and now I know what I have to do.

Randomness

2007-06-11T14:53:00.000-07:00

I'm officially ten pounds down. Only... 40 more to go? ha ha! I can't wait!

Last night I also managed to get into a pair of size ten jeans... used to be Mom's, but they're too big for her now. They're tight on me, but at least I can get them on without having to struggle... lol.

I just changed the layout here... I like this much better than what it was! Now if I only could find a different picture of me that would look good on this blog... maybe I'll wait a few weeks on that.

I know I'm changing subjects a lot here, but as I've said, I just put what I'm thinking as I'm thinking it... keeps me busy when I'm not doing anything else... good typing practice too.

Anyway, today I was looking at toothbrushes... I don't need one yet, but for some strange reason I had wandered into the toothpaste isle. Has anybody seen the new musical toothbrushes? They play two minutes of music while you're brushing your teeth! Some of the songs I found available include "We will Rock You" and ... that one Kelly Clarkson song... I can't think of it now... lol. I'm kinda tempted to try it out, but I know better. That's really a fun way to get kids brushing. The thing is, it looks like an adult toothbrush! ... all except the colors, I guess, so far I've only seen two choices : pink, and lime green. I'm sure there's more out there, I'm just not looking hard enough.

Well, I'm going to say goodnight... not knowing what other total randomness to talk about for now...

Buddy (aka The Bagel Snatcher) !!

2007-06-08T13:18:00.000-07:00

I'm a little annoyed at my dog right now... he stole my breakfast this morning when I wasn't looking... lol. I can't stay mad at him for too long though... he's lucky he's so dang cute. The problem is that he won't remember why he was punished and will do it again. He doesn't seem to be the smartest dog I ever met, especially since I usually share with him anyway. He doesn't have to steal it from me because I give it to him! Maybe thats why he did it. I had left my bagel on the table because I was told to go check the mail. I come back a couple minutes later, and theres Buddy sitting on the floor with my bagel in his mouth. He had to climb up in the chair I was sitting in in order to get to it, because he's a little dog.
Right now he's sleeping. I bet if I go get some food that will change really quickly.

...and for today...

2007-06-07T21:09:00.000-07:00

I've seriously been thinking about my life in general for the past couple of days, and I've decided that I don't like where I am at this point. I talked to my Mom about going to college this fall, and said she and Dad would only be able to help me through a 2-year program. I'm considering just going to learn a trade of somekind, open a business of my own, and earn money from that to put me through college again for my music degree, which is the ultimate goal.
I still have no clue what that trade would be. I can't see myself fixing computers or electronics, it seems complicated enough. I really can't see myself as a massage therapist either, even though I've been told I'd make a good one. Mom suggested becoming a hair dresser or nail technician... that would be funny, considering the type of person I was growing up. I never really cared about myself enough to really care about how I looked... that was until high school was half-over. Wouldn't it be a little ironic to see me become a beautician, after so many years of making people think I don't care? I think it would be...
I don't think the job itself would be hard, just time consuming. I think I'd be able to do that though. I'll have to think harder about it. I need something that I can handle.
I've thought about where my music is headed too. I don't like how that's going either, but there's really not much I can do right now. I need to really improve on my guitar playing before I decide to find another group or get one together.
Other than that, I haven't really been up to much... I only lost a pound this week... stuck at 204. Its okay though, losing 1 or 2 pounds a week is good. Three is better, but one is good. I just have to figure out where I messed up this week and try not to do it again.
Hopefully next week will be better. In the meantime, I've got stuff to do.

Cheated...

2007-06-05T21:02:00.000-07:00

All right, so the brownies were calling my name... and so was Wendy's earlier today... lol. I'm going to regret it. Got on the scale today weighing in at 204. Doubt that I'll be that tomorrow.
As long as I don't make a habit of this cheating I should be all right.
Boyton Street once again went well... no complaints.
Pretty tired now, think I'll get some sleep.

Guitar!

2007-06-04T19:45:00.000-07:00

I just got done practicing on my acoustic guitar... to me almost nothing sounds prettier. I've got the tune I was playing stuck in my head. Actually, I don't even know if it sounds anything like a pre-existing song because I just kinda made it up as I went along. Its an instrumental, so no lyrics. Probably best, because I'm terrible at writing them.
I've decided to just work on learning newer country songs and forget about what I need for the bands in which I currently play. I'm really, honestly tired of what goes on with our group. I want something different. Its hard to take initiative to bring new music into the group when you think that nobody else cares about learning it. Most of the time they turn down what I bring in, regardless of it being a good song. If they have to learn to play anything they don't all ready know, they'd rather drop it than practice and get it right. I don't think those guys are going to budge, even though they know they need to if they want to keep their crowd. One thing I do know, is that when you get bored onstage, its time to either find a new home or hang it up and walk away... and I can't walk from it.
So I guess I'll just have to find a new home with another band... or get one together myself. Just the thought of it scares me a little, because I've been with one of the groups I play with for five years, and we're all pretty close friends. I know I can't stay where I am now though. Its time to move on.

no title

2007-06-03T21:36:00.000-07:00

Just got home from the Eagles Auxillary in town... they had a band there tonight that I wanted to go see. They were a really good group too!
I haven't been up to much today. I was supposed to meet my friend Jeff up at the gym this morning at 7. I woke up at 8. I was not happy about that...
After my workout, I went home, played guitar, got dressed, ran to KFC for Mom and then went to see this band.
Surprisingly, I don't have that much to say right now. Think I'll call it quits here for tonight.

Played at Sensation Station!

2007-06-02T22:28:00.000-07:00

It's pretty late... not even sure what I'm doing up knowing that I promised my friend I'd be at the gym bright and early tomorrow morning. I really hope I'm not late, maybe I'll actually make it on time... ha ha!
I'm just talking to people online right now. I got home from our gig not too long ago. Surprisingly, we actually had a crowd!
It's a big place up there, used to be the skating rink in Mt. Vernon. Turned it into a country dance hall, which we play once a month. Its a lot of fun if you can find people to come. I think I'm going to call it quits for tonight... I'll probably write tomorrow.
... Or maybe not... I promised a friend who has his band booked at the Eagles that I'd go support them. So I'm going to go watch them play, I've told this friend for months that I'd be there.
All right... guess I really should be going now... I'm going... right now... um... goodnight...

&

2007-06-01T08:40:00.000-07:00

I need to be headed off to the gym right now, but I thought I'd update a little bit first. Tonight I'm playing at the Knights of Columbus Hall in Herrin, IL. They just started up their steak dinners again and hired us to play this one. Going to be fun...
Not much going on at the moment, I'm home alone and getting ready to leave. I'm supposed to pick up The Boy (my brother, as I sometimes call him), from his friend's house later today. By the time I get done with my work out, it'll be time to get him.
I wonder what I weigh today...

... 205... can't say I'm happy with it...

The only reasons I can think of for this is that I've either packed a little muscle onto my frame, or there is a problem with my eating habits I haven't caught yet. Of course, because I weigh in every day, this number fluctuates. For some reason this week though, I've seen a steady increase daily by half a pound. I've been stuck at this weight for two days now.
... I'll get it down...

In the meantime I'm working on my resume, hoping to get a job as a customer service rep... I figure if Mom can do it, so can I... how hard can it be? We'll see how this goes.
Think I'd better get going... I'll write later if I can.

1st Reader

2007-05-29T15:17:00.000-07:00

I let him read my blog entries last night. Needless to say he didn't like what I wrote down, but some of those points needed to be heard and I thought it was only fair that I let him read it since he's mentioned. We talked for a long time about it and I'm glad we did. We're still friends, and knowing that makes me very happy. :)

I don't have long to write for now, I have to get going up to Boyton street to play tonight. I hope it goes better than last week, I didn't like what happened there at all...

Things are going to change soon. I'm working on my resume to send out and hopefully I'll land a good job that will help me reach my goals. In a few months, I predict that I'll be in a lot better shape in almost every area of my life. Let's just hope God wants me to get there.

In the meantime, I'd better get Culver ready to go.

I've got a new light saber!!! :D

2007-05-25T14:02:00.000-07:00

LOL.... I'm sorry if you don't share my excitement, but I'm a huge Star Wars fan... so when my brother gave me a green lightsaber just for the sake of being nice to his big sis, I was very happy :)
We just got back inside from sword fighting with them, and I am going to challenge him again later. He says he really wanted to find a purple one for himself, but that his blue one is just fine. Why is it that you can't find a purple light saber anywhere? I know it's the color of Mace Windu's saber, and from what I can tell, everybody wants to be Mace... so why can't you find a purple saber? Maybe they didn't think purple would sell... although I've never seen a yellow saber either... think how great that would light up!
Well anyway, I'm extatic over my new toy... go ahead and laugh, I know I'm a dork :P

For Today

2007-05-24T07:41:00.000-07:00

Besides seeing that grave, I've got a few other things to do today too. I'm supposed to help clean out the pool and get it ready, even though the filter is broken, we can still get started on it.
I've got to work out too... but I'm putting that second today. If I can get everything done here that needs to be done by the time I have to leave for Kentucky, then I can get down there sooner and my friend and I can spend more time together. I told him I'd call either way. I might end up not going down there, if that's the case, I'll work out again this evening if we're done with the pool and everything. Honestly, it's not really that big of a loss if I don't go down there, I know what will happen if I go... and if I don't... Guess I'd better get moving.

Barbara Lee

2007-05-24T07:28:00.000-07:00

All I know is that today I'm going with my Mom to visit the grave of a very close friend of ours. He's been gone a little over a year now. His wife seems to be recovering a little more each day, but she just can't let him go. I miss my friend too, as I loved him very much, but I've moved on. Everyone else has moved on, except for her. I worry about her.
Her Mom isn't doing all too well either, being 92 years old, she's begun to wear down and needs help with things. She doesn't like admiting it though. :)
I just hope things turn out okay for them both, and that my friend doesn't cry today, or ever again over what happened last year. It's done. Time to let Larry go.

8 down!

2007-05-23T13:41:00.000-07:00

Only... 52 more to go! Yay! lol

I'll get there... no doubt. I currently weigh in at 203.5 , which really means I've lost 8 1/2 pounds, but that half doesn't mean much, it could change easily the next time you hit the scale, so I always round down.

I believe I said in another entry that I wanted to lose about 50 pounds... but that was before Mother's Day too... ha ha. I really need to lose 60 total to reach my goal, but since I've lost 8, I'm ready to lose the original 50 and then some if I need to. I've been working hard for about 3 weeks now, and I'm seeing a drastic change in the amount of weight I use when I lift. I'm afraid to go up too much more on some exercises... I don't want to look like a body builder, I just want to get the fat off and tone up. Of course, since I have to carry a bunch of extra weight on my frame, my legs are the strongest muscles I have. Right now I'm lifting 270 on the leg press... and I could go higher. What's funny is that my upper body is pathetic... lol. I'm doing only 10 pounds on the isolated bench press ( I use isolated because you can't use one arm to help the other, and you don't need a spotter), and that's not counting the weight of the machine... so I'm actually lifting more than that, but it's still funny to watch others lift this thing with 3-45 pound plates on each side, and here I am with two "baby plates" (the ten-pounders... used fives last week...lol). I'm getting there though, I just have to keep at it and remember what stopped me the last time...

Title

2007-05-20T10:53:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't written in the last couple of days, there's been some pretty interesting things going on in my life... ha ha...
For starters, on friday I met one of my friends in Paducah, KY (since that's where he lives) and hung out there. That was so much fun I couldn't stop thinking about what happened yesterday, and it's still on my mind a little today. I'm not going to say what happened though, that's between him and I.
Last night I played at the Eagles. We had a pretty decent crowd, and our sound was solid. Hardly any mistakes anywhere, which was good. I met another friend of mine for the first time there. He didn't stay long, but it was nice to finally put a face with the person I've been talking to online.
Found out that I lost more weight than I thought... yesterday I weighed in at 206... on the dot. So I really have lost 6 pounds this week! Which is great because that means I'm finally working off that Mother's Day dinner... lol. That's one thing that caused me to go from 207 all the way up to 212... now I'm down to 206... unless I weigh different right now... I'm sore today too... thanks Jeff :P
You know, I was just wondering if anybody has put up a post that is camoflaged with the background on their blog... think I'll try that just because...
Nope... won't let me do it... rats... lol.
I just woke up about an hour ago, and I have to go play again at the same place I played last night in five hours. That should be fun. I really enjoy playing out.
Well, guess I'm gonna get going for now. I think I hear Dad watching a race on TV... think I'll go watch too.

Woo! I feel good! :D

2007-05-17T12:25:00.000-07:00

Despite learning that my BMI is 31.0, making me officially an obese person, I feel pretty good today. I did my workout first thing this morning when I got up. I worked hard, and I'm full of energy today. I'm even thinking about getting out and cutting grass! Hopefully my allergies won't be too bad after that's done and overwith... we'll just have to see.
I washed my car today too... she really needed it... lol.
Right now I'm doing laundry and straightening things up around the house... I'll mow later when the sun is down a little farther. I really hope I start losing this weight and keep going with it... I lost two pounds this week so far, which is healthy :D ... of course, after Mother's day, I gained weight up to 212... that really made me mad. Thankfully I've worked enough off to get me back down to 209.5, which puts me in a good mood today, because I just weighed in this morning. I've done pretty well with my eating so far today too... I had a couple (2) energy bars for breakfast before working out, then for lunch, Dad and I went to Wendy's and got a salad for each of us. Well, I don't want to be sitting around for too long, so I'll write later.... maybe not today... but later... :)

Boing!

2007-05-15T20:38:00.000-07:00

I finally broke down and bought an exercise ball today... haha! Those things are so much fun! I've been messing with it since I brought it home. I know that my abdominal area is going to be the hardest to work on, so I took a friend's advice and bought the ball. This way I can get some extra reps in when I'm just sitting at home. I'd get into a workout with it right now if it weren't almost 11pm where I am. The ball in the picture you see is bigger than the one I have, which will probably make workouts harder... but that's okay!

The Mirror

2007-05-14T23:02:00.000-07:00

Once again I looked into it, not liking what I saw,
Not on the outside,
Not in the inside,
Nor hardly anything that my life consists of.

Each time I try to change myself is harder than the last
Because I have more failures,
Many more dissapointments,
Than successes.

However, I must remember
that I am worth the physical effort,
and the struggles of the mind
that I go through everyday.

And then I realize that I must learn to like myself,
on the inside
and on the outside,
just as I am.

Then maybe the image in the mirror will let me go,
let me change,
and most importantly,
let me live.

Yep... gonna be sore in the morning...

2007-05-11T17:01:00.000-07:00

This entry could possibly be short and the only one I write today. For the first time in a long time I actually have the energy to do something. I don't even want to be sitting as I'm writing this.
I spent a good while at the gym today... met up with a couple friends that I talk to all the time there and decided to work out together. I'll tell you what, those two should be trainers... there's no slacking around them... Everytime I've sat down today I can hear Jeff's voice in my head " Ok kid, I want 15 reps this next set!" ... lol. He knows what he's doing though...so when he really says he wants 15, I give him 15 if I can. Yep... if I'm not sore tomorrow there's something wrong, because that was a hard workout today.

Have you seen this?

2007-05-10T20:01:00.000-07:00

check out this link...

http://www.friendlyrobotics.com/videos/robomow/

Pretty cool huh? I wonder what they'll come up with next... I can imagine its a dream come true for people like me, who have outdoor allergies or like others who absolutely can't get outside to mow...and of course to people who would just rather not do it...

On the other side of it, by having these machines available (assuming that they really do work like they're said to do), people would get a lot less exercise than they all ready do, and it would probably put people who mow grass for extra money out of business. Perhaps not entirely though, because they would probably cost a bunch... let me see if I can find a price...

.........................................

Well, well! Looks like they're not as expensive as I thought they would be! According to the friendlyrobotics website, the Robomower RL 1000 model (mows up to 1 acre yards) costs $1999.99 ...

So people can still make some money mowing yards... I don't see one listed that can take care of a 6 1/2-acre field, and I don't see one listed that has the ability to climb hills. Well, that leaves our house out! Rats...lol. Guess I'd better stock up on Benedryl...

Slightly Annoyed...

2007-05-10T18:36:00.000-07:00

My younger brother has his music blasting so loud right now that you can't even hear yourself think if you go anywhere near that end of the house... since our house is fairly small, I'm about to go nuts... he won't turn it down. Don't get me wrong, AC/DC and Guns n' Roses are awesome groups, but I can only hear the song "You Shook Me All Night Long" so many times in one day... sigh... even the poor cat is fed up with it... he's yelling at my brother's closed bedroom door at the top of his lungs... lol.

........................

Oh my gosh... he just turned the music down. Yay!

Dance Class & Other Stuff

2007-05-10T14:25:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know my Mom, this is a secret that must be kept from her... okay? My Dad decided that he wanted to surprise Mom by taking dance classes. I'm glad to see him doing this, because that way he won't be sitting by himself anymore when everyone else gets up to dance. He's excited about going, and he's working hard to get all the steps down... right now he's learning the waltz... I don't even think Mom knows how to waltz... I can't even waltz... ha ha! Dad's going to show us all up!

I'm not sure what to do with myself right now... not really too much to be done. I just put my picture up on here, man that one is starting to get old... lol. That was taken in my senior year of high school... I've been graduated from there for a year! Its rare that I do get my picture taken, as I'm normally the one holding the camera, but someday I will have a different one there...

I'd go back to the gym, but its not a good idea to go between 4 and 7pm if you can avoid it. Its usually very crowded around that time with people who just got off work, so I'll wait a little bit longer. In the meantime, I guess I'll get up and go find something to do...

Yay!

2007-05-10T12:46:00.000-07:00

Not sure what the yay was for, I just felt it... It's been a good while since I've done any blogging, but the only thing that worries me is whether or not I'll remember how to sign back in... lol. I just had a not-so-intelligent conversation online with one of my brother's friends; that seems to be how most of our conversations go. uggh... my brain is mush once more as I try to save whats left of it by writing something down.

I managed to start exercising again as of Monday, and I'm all ready feeling better. Today I just did some cardio at Gold's Gym... I've been a member there for about a year and a half, but I got lazy last fall and ended up losing just about everything I had worked for... all the weight is back and I'm once again beginning to grow out of my wardrobe. Last week I saw that I had two choices: I can take my money and buy a whole new wardrobe, or I can lose the weight and buy an even BIGGER wardrobe when I have my birthday money saved up! :D
I say that because my birthday is toward the end of October, which would give me five months to get most of this weight off. Now that I'm thinking about it, today is Shane's birthday! Happy 33rd man! :D

So far I've done all right as far as getting back up to the gym everyday, but what gets me in the most trouble is the whole food thing... once I get that part figured out though, look out! I hope to lose somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 pounds (I weighed in at 207 this morning, so I know I've got at least that much that I can get rid of). I have really no idea why I started writing this blog in the first place, but maybe by doing this it will help hold me accountable while I'm working toward my fitness goals.

I don't mean to bore people though, so fitness won't be my only topic :)
Hope you enjoy reading this, if I can sign back in without any problems, I know I'll enjoy writing it!