Please Excuse My Rant...

I didn't sleep well at all last night or eat well today... so I've been pretty evil during the past twelve hours or so anyway. However, I didn't start this crap... lol.

I just finished listening to my Dad yet again tell me how so-and-so has a better sounding group than the main group I play with. Also yet again, he told me I need to get on everybody's case about practice sessions and learning new songs. I would be all for talking to them, but I know better. I feel its worthless to try. None of them are interested in practicing to play songs right. They don't have to sound like the record, they just have to be RIGHT for heaven's sake!!! We can't even do that! Why? No one is willing to practice or learn new material... because of that, I'm not motivated either... and that bothers me.

Soon the conversation turned into other things... I wanted to cry from hearing that...

... but I didn't...

I just walked out of the room... I'm done talking to him about it and the other things. I have to do something... I don't know what... all I know is that there is no way those guys will budge... even if I go so far as to make somebody mad, I don't think they'll listen.

Now I love my Dad and I know he means well by what he said... but after hearing the same thing 100 times, it kinda makes me mad... lol.

So I'm going to pray hard and try to climb out of this mess... I can't be this way anymore.

NEMESIIISSS!!! I WILL HAVE YOU!!!

Trying to post a video that my friend sent me but google is being mean to me today saying either invalid login confirmation (and I am 100% certain my info is correct) or it says "undefined"... whatever that means... lol.

So I'll just put the link up here. Gotta warn ya, its crazy... I laughed really hard at it. The guy in this video is out of his mind... ...and talking to himself... xD

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=489004234752212560&hl=en

I guess its not going to be funny to everyone, but some of you might get a kick out of it...

Dissent

I was watching a program on Link TV earlier... I wish I could remember the name of it because I thought it was a good one. Its topic was about dissent and losing our first amendment rights, showing several examples of people being arrested and/or recieving poor treatment for peaceful protests. It makes me so angry to think that our country is losing what our forefathers fought so hard for. As the program stated, dissent was a key factor in forming this country and is still a key factor for running it. The Government is supposed to run the country, but its up to citizens to help keep it in line and defend our rights as citizens of the United States. One way we are supposed to do this is by having our say in what goes on. However, if we as Americans, allow ourselves to be so intimidated that we lose our first amendment rights, in my opinion that would only be a gateway to allow the government to take away more and more of our freedoms until we have none.



Thank you for putting up with my rant... lol. Sometimes I can't help but feel upset when I see what is going on with this country and when I see things like this I start to feel less and less like I can do anything about it. Its wrong to feel that way though. We have to keep pushing buttons. We have to keep asking questions. We have to keep peaceful protesting in order to defend what we believe in. Even here at home we have to defend our freedom. Not from foreign countries, but from our own government! I thought freedom was what this country was all about? It seems like we could end up losing everything we stand for...that is, if we haven't begun to all ready. I don't know about you, but I love my country too much to let that happen.

Hot Rod Lincolns

Anyone who knows my Mom also knows that she is in love with her '94 Lincoln Town Car. In fact, she's so crazy about it that instead of giving up on it and buying a new one when it wore down, she asks my Dad to start working on it. Of course for Dad, this means several weeks of work due to his schedule, and Mom still needs a way to get to where she works too. So he bought from a friend an old '88 Lincoln for her to drive while he was fixing the other one. She thought it was pretty, but didn't like the way it felt, and that it didn't have any cup holders. Of course, Mom hates any car that isn't hers... lol.
I have to say though, driving the '88 is like driving a pontoon boat. Its huge... and heavy even in comparison with the '94. Dad really likes that car and decided immediately that he would keep it for himself after he fixes Mom's car. Since he's driven a big rig for years heavy vehicles are no problem for him.
Tonight the three of us were on our way home in the '88. Dad drove and I was in the front passenger seat. Mom also doesn't like the way Dad drives most of the time, so she sat in the back seat. She and Dad got to talking about the car and started comparing both Lincolns. Finally it grew into a heated discussion about who had the faster one. Most of the ride home consisted of Mom and Dad arguing "my car is better than yours because..." or "my car can take yours down anyday...". I guess you had to be there, but I was laughing so hard... they even considered racing the two cars! That would have been fun to see... until they either crashed or got caught in a speed trap of somekind.
I don't know much about cars, but I have a feeling that Mom would win... Dad's "old boat" is just too heavy... I think it would take a lot longer to gain speed. Maybe it would outrun Mom's in the long run though?
Now both are nice cars, but I'd never have a Lincoln... I'm pretty attached to my Crown Victoria (aka. "Granny"). She's held up sooo much better than either of thier cars. Hopefully it'll stay that way.
I don't think my parents would ever race thier cars, but I can't help but wonder how it would turn out if they did?

What's the Password?

I haven't done much today. Cleaned house, went to see a band play (who are good friends of mine... they sounded awesome as usual :D ), and came home.
I have a feeling that I may not be on the computer nearly as much as I'm used to being on. There is now a password on here that only Mom knows... lol. No worries, I know why its there, and I know its only a matter of time before I gain access again. Until then, I don't expect to be posting updates every single day. Now that I'm over my withdrawl, I can say that I'm okay with not being on the computer all the time. I can actually get things done and feel like doing them. I must have been really, really addicted to this computer because when I would get on (and this was only a few weeks ago), I would stay on a good portion of the day and then feel lazy from not moving... I'd go to sleep instead of doing chores or even practicing my music. The computer was even taking me away from other things I loved, such as working out or hanging with my "real life" friends. On the upside though, I've met some awesome people on myspace... who have become "real life" friends... lol.
I weighed in today at 200.5... that means when I lose that other half pound I will have only lost 5 pounds this month instead of the 8 I lost last month. At least I'm still moving down! It's been harder to get my workouts in with Mom's car down though. I've let her take mine to work and back, which leaves me here with no way to go anywhere. Thankfully, Mom keeps the password a secret from me, and so far I can't crack it. Things are starting to get done around the house again...
Too bad I got on so late tonight though, nobody is online. Oh well, maybe I can catch them tomorrow? We'll see.
Oh! I almost forgot... Buddy got a haircut today... ha ha ha! He has a cute face when you can see it... he looks a lot less like a dustmop now since he has almost no hair left... he seems to like it all right, its a lot cooler for him in the hot weather and it doesn't look as bad as it sounds.
Well, tomorrow I've got plenty to do, and since I actually woke up before my usual time, I feel tired enough that I might get some good sleep for once. I'll be sure to write the next time I'm on...

Ghosts

A friend of mine showed me this video that he found on youtube...

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5406487197364769612

I don't know why, but it creeps me out to watch anything involving ghosts while I'm alone in the dark. I'm fine with any other monster, but with ghosts I always find myself looking over my shoulder as if expecting to find one right behind me. I guess its because I feel that the existance of ghosts is more possible than that of mummies, zombies, or even vampires.

What's funny is that I don't feel scared when I'm watching a video like this or a scary movie of any kind with another person... unless its a really good horror film... I guess I just have to remind myself its just a movie. Man, I'm not going to be able to go to sleep for a little while... I only watched about half of that video too... go ahead and call me a wimp... it's okay :P

Booster and JoAnn's last night...

It made me cry knowing that our bass player and his wife are moving to Alabama next month, which isn't too far away. I love them both even though I didn't know them for very long and I hate to see them go. They're great people and I pray that everything works out for them down there.

As for what's happening now with the rest of our band, I'm told that I will be put back on bass and we will just play four pieces for awhile. At least, that's the plan for now. The boss might change his mind, but I'm going to practice my bass anyway. I've been neglecting it while trying to get back in shape on my other instruments. It'll be fun to play bass again, but I'll never be as good of a bass player as Booster is... he's the best I've ever seen.

Before I went home, JoAnn told me that they're playing in Murphysboro saturday night with another group before they pack up and move. I'd really like to go if I can make it.

I speak for the entire band when I say that those two will be missed. I wish them well and hope to see them again someday.

Egg Salad Sandwich

I'm rushing to get everything done here... I start playing in two hours, and I was put in charge of making sandwiches, and getting a birthday present for a friend we'll be seeing tonight. Mom just got home, and I know she's not pleased with what I managed to do in so little time. I enlisted my brother for help, and he did a good job. ... gotta go... we're starting over... we all feel really rushed right now... I hate this part... I'm always rushed right before I get to wherever it is I play... I'm always, ALWAYS frustrated... never fails. I haven't been able to figure out why.
I'll try to write again tonight when I get home if I can.

The Last 48 Hours... Backwards :P

"I'll kill him" said my Dad as he walked out of the bathroom. Buddy got into the toilet paper again... lol. He didn't make a mess, he just stole a role of Charmin and left it by the computer chair where I'm now sitting. Dad wasn't serious with that threat I don't think... he just doesn't have any patience with pets living in the house. His loss I guess...

I got home not too long ago from the Whiteash dance barn... I promised a friend that I would sit in on guitar and fiddle with their band. Of course, I also sang. I had a lot of fun and the music sounded a lot better than I had expected it to. This band doesn't have a drummer yet, so it was different to play without one. I honestly had my doubts about what we would have sounded like when we practiced last Wednesday. I noticed that everything was dragging, too slow even for the older crowd they pull in. I didn't say anything about it because it was not the group I normally play in. It still sounded all right, although I wish they could have had a better crowd. Sesser, IL is pulling a lot of people away from dances with their homecoming activities this week, so its expected that a few people are not going to show.
It turns out that one of the guitar players in this group used to work at the same company as my Dad a long time ago. It was really nice to meet him... and to jam with the rest of the band.

Earlier today I hadn't done much, just practiced for the show I had at Whiteash and cleaned house a little bit (mainly because Mom said she might have her friends come to the house... it turned out that she went over there instead. I hope she had fun). After that I worked out at the gym. I only did cardio because I've had a sore leg muscle the last week and I don't want to push it any harder... I've all ready tried to work it out and its not working... think I'll take it easy until its no longer sore... felt a lot better today though. My friend Jeff called me wanting to work out sometime tomorrow. I told him I could meet him at 10am. Hopefully I won't be late like I was last time... with my horrible sleep patterns I just can't hack getting up there at 7am... lol. Either way, he's been my driving force through this whole month I've been back working out. He's taught me a lot all ready and I'm sure he hasn't shown me everything I need to know just yet. He was supposed to meet with his trainer today to update his workout. I hope when he competes next year that he does well. I have a feeling he will.

I had a couple paragraphs here that my friend was meant to read, but he only read the first one placed here where I'm replacing it with this one. We of course had plenty of discussion on that... but he didn't even mention what was in the other two shorter ones... I wonder why? Well, now I know whats really going on... I feel upset about it... so I'm done with it. He's not my friend... he doesn't want that. I'm not asking for a relationship, I just don't want to do THAT every time I show up. Of course, my being a doormat doesn't help matters either. I don't know why, but I haven't been able to say no. I prayed hard about this... I've been praying hard about this... and now I know what I have to do.

Randomness

I'm officially ten pounds down. Only... 40 more to go? ha ha! I can't wait!

Last night I also managed to get into a pair of size ten jeans... used to be Mom's, but they're too big for her now. They're tight on me, but at least I can get them on without having to struggle... lol.

I just changed the layout here... I like this much better than what it was! Now if I only could find a different picture of me that would look good on this blog... maybe I'll wait a few weeks on that.

I know I'm changing subjects a lot here, but as I've said, I just put what I'm thinking as I'm thinking it... keeps me busy when I'm not doing anything else... good typing practice too.

Anyway, today I was looking at toothbrushes... I don't need one yet, but for some strange reason I had wandered into the toothpaste isle. Has anybody seen the new musical toothbrushes? They play two minutes of music while you're brushing your teeth! Some of the songs I found available include "We will Rock You" and ... that one Kelly Clarkson song... I can't think of it now... lol. I'm kinda tempted to try it out, but I know better. That's really a fun way to get kids brushing. The thing is, it looks like an adult toothbrush! ... all except the colors, I guess, so far I've only seen two choices : pink, and lime green. I'm sure there's more out there, I'm just not looking hard enough.

Well, I'm going to say goodnight... not knowing what other total randomness to talk about for now...

Buddy (aka The Bagel Snatcher) !!

I'm a little annoyed at my dog right now... he stole my breakfast this morning when I wasn't looking... lol. I can't stay mad at him for too long though... he's lucky he's so dang cute. The problem is that he won't remember why he was punished and will do it again. He doesn't seem to be the smartest dog I ever met, especially since I usually share with him anyway. He doesn't have to steal it from me because I give it to him! Maybe thats why he did it. I had left my bagel on the table because I was told to go check the mail. I come back a couple minutes later, and theres Buddy sitting on the floor with my bagel in his mouth. He had to climb up in the chair I was sitting in in order to get to it, because he's a little dog.
Right now he's sleeping. I bet if I go get some food that will change really quickly.

...and for today...

I've seriously been thinking about my life in general for the past couple of days, and I've decided that I don't like where I am at this point. I talked to my Mom about going to college this fall, and said she and Dad would only be able to help me through a 2-year program. I'm considering just going to learn a trade of somekind, open a business of my own, and earn money from that to put me through college again for my music degree, which is the ultimate goal.
I still have no clue what that trade would be. I can't see myself fixing computers or electronics, it seems complicated enough. I really can't see myself as a massage therapist either, even though I've been told I'd make a good one. Mom suggested becoming a hair dresser or nail technician... that would be funny, considering the type of person I was growing up. I never really cared about myself enough to really care about how I looked... that was until high school was half-over. Wouldn't it be a little ironic to see me become a beautician, after so many years of making people think I don't care? I think it would be...
I don't think the job itself would be hard, just time consuming. I think I'd be able to do that though. I'll have to think harder about it. I need something that I can handle.
I've thought about where my music is headed too. I don't like how that's going either, but there's really not much I can do right now. I need to really improve on my guitar playing before I decide to find another group or get one together.
Other than that, I haven't really been up to much... I only lost a pound this week... stuck at 204. Its okay though, losing 1 or 2 pounds a week is good. Three is better, but one is good. I just have to figure out where I messed up this week and try not to do it again.
Hopefully next week will be better. In the meantime, I've got stuff to do.

Cheated...

All right, so the brownies were calling my name... and so was Wendy's earlier today... lol. I'm going to regret it. Got on the scale today weighing in at 204. Doubt that I'll be that tomorrow.
As long as I don't make a habit of this cheating I should be all right.
Boyton Street once again went well... no complaints.
Pretty tired now, think I'll get some sleep.

Guitar!

I just got done practicing on my acoustic guitar... to me almost nothing sounds prettier. I've got the tune I was playing stuck in my head. Actually, I don't even know if it sounds anything like a pre-existing song because I just kinda made it up as I went along. Its an instrumental, so no lyrics. Probably best, because I'm terrible at writing them.
I've decided to just work on learning newer country songs and forget about what I need for the bands in which I currently play. I'm really, honestly tired of what goes on with our group. I want something different. Its hard to take initiative to bring new music into the group when you think that nobody else cares about learning it. Most of the time they turn down what I bring in, regardless of it being a good song. If they have to learn to play anything they don't all ready know, they'd rather drop it than practice and get it right. I don't think those guys are going to budge, even though they know they need to if they want to keep their crowd. One thing I do know, is that when you get bored onstage, its time to either find a new home or hang it up and walk away... and I can't walk from it.
So I guess I'll just have to find a new home with another band... or get one together myself. Just the thought of it scares me a little, because I've been with one of the groups I play with for five years, and we're all pretty close friends. I know I can't stay where I am now though. Its time to move on.

no title

Just got home from the Eagles Auxillary in town... they had a band there tonight that I wanted to go see. They were a really good group too!
I haven't been up to much today. I was supposed to meet my friend Jeff up at the gym this morning at 7. I woke up at 8. I was not happy about that...
After my workout, I went home, played guitar, got dressed, ran to KFC for Mom and then went to see this band.
Surprisingly, I don't have that much to say right now. Think I'll call it quits here for tonight.

Played at Sensation Station!

It's pretty late... not even sure what I'm doing up knowing that I promised my friend I'd be at the gym bright and early tomorrow morning. I really hope I'm not late, maybe I'll actually make it on time... ha ha!
I'm just talking to people online right now. I got home from our gig not too long ago. Surprisingly, we actually had a crowd!
It's a big place up there, used to be the skating rink in Mt. Vernon. Turned it into a country dance hall, which we play once a month. Its a lot of fun if you can find people to come. I think I'm going to call it quits for tonight... I'll probably write tomorrow.
... Or maybe not... I promised a friend who has his band booked at the Eagles that I'd go support them. So I'm going to go watch them play, I've told this friend for months that I'd be there.
All right... guess I really should be going now... I'm going... right now... um... goodnight...

&

I need to be headed off to the gym right now, but I thought I'd update a little bit first. Tonight I'm playing at the Knights of Columbus Hall in Herrin, IL. They just started up their steak dinners again and hired us to play this one. Going to be fun...
Not much going on at the moment, I'm home alone and getting ready to leave. I'm supposed to pick up The Boy (my brother, as I sometimes call him), from his friend's house later today. By the time I get done with my work out, it'll be time to get him.
I wonder what I weigh today...

... 205... can't say I'm happy with it...

The only reasons I can think of for this is that I've either packed a little muscle onto my frame, or there is a problem with my eating habits I haven't caught yet. Of course, because I weigh in every day, this number fluctuates. For some reason this week though, I've seen a steady increase daily by half a pound. I've been stuck at this weight for two days now.
... I'll get it down...

In the meantime I'm working on my resume, hoping to get a job as a customer service rep... I figure if Mom can do it, so can I... how hard can it be? We'll see how this goes.
Think I'd better get going... I'll write later if I can.